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Settling for More

If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.
– Jim Rohn

Last summer, I spent a lot of time chasing tail and getting drunk.

I remember telling myself that I was a new man, that I wasn’t going to let divorce slow me down and turn me into one of the guys I saw in my office every day – early 30s, single, nothing going on. They spent their nights playing video games or with other hobbies, their days at work, and as far as I could tell they had nothing else. I was determined that that wouldn’t be me – I was going to have a memorable year.

I was pretty successful, in that regard. I got drunker than I’ve ever been, slept around, and partied in general. There were weeks I went four or five nights in a row, drunk, getting 3-5 hours of sleep before work. I racked up a lot of the kind of stories that sound really good on other drunken nights, and I made friends and had sex.

All well and good, and I have to admit I learned a lot about myself.

But now it’s Friday night and I’m not drinking, I’m not partying – I’ve been home since 10:30, working on this post and other things. I went boxing after work, lifting after that, and came straight home from dinner. Last night I was out on my old stomping grounds and came home at midnight after two beers. I have invitations to go out tomorrow night, but I might not take them.

Lately something’s been settling on me – every night out is a night lost, and drinks cost money. Time and money are two of the things I’m trying most to free up and grow.

So I’m settling, a little bit. I’m becoming comfortable with staying in when I could go out. I’m turning down invitations in favor of sitting at the computer typing and reading. I’m drinking water instead of scotch, I’m going to bed and getting up earlier. I’m lifting when I could be flirting and I’m driving home when I could be blacking out.

This week I’m going to write some monster porn, finish my guest room, start on Fiverr and start marketing my content. Cheaper than scotch and less of a hangover.

Being Realistic Redux

It is not that we have too little time to do all the things we need to do , it is that we feel the need to do too many things in the time we have.
– Gary Keller, The ONE Thing

I have a confession to make – I’ve shifted the goalposts a bit without telling you.

Now that Progress is tracked on a separate page, it’s been too easy to just push back the dates on goals when it becomes obvious I won’t meet them. I do this because I’m torn between two desires: I want to have ambitious goals and I want to have realistic goals, so sometimes I err on one side or the other (usually I’m too ambitious) and I don’t finish when I say I will.

That’s a very, very bad habit to even begin to form, so I’m calling myself out. Ouch, honesty.

This happens because I don’t always plan when I’m going to accomplish each goal, hour by hour. So I know that finishing a certain book (for example) will take two hours and the goal is four days away, and I just assume I’ll have two hours between then and now to do it.

I’m busy enough that that’s not always true. So from now on, when I update the Progress page with new goals, I’ll have time already filled into my calendar for when exactly I’ll get the required work done. That’s true now, as of the updates below, and will remain true.

I’ll still occasionally miss deadlines as life shifts and turns around me – if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be pushing myself hard enough. But this way I will know immediately that if I cancel the four hours I’ve planned for resume sending, I’m intentionally missing that deadline and will need to make sad excuses to all of you (it was a good date, I promise you.)

The end result of this will be slightly less ambitious goals, but that’s a good thing. It’ll force me to acknowledge the choices I make about how to spend my time.

(Many updates.

  • Writing: I finished Writer’s Market and will update with my next goal here by Wednesday.
  • Lifting: I had my first real, solo lift session after boxing. Squat 135, Bench 115, Deadlift 195.
  • Blogging: Submitted a guest post proposal, which I’ll obviously link to here if it gets accepted.)

Know What’s Next

You don’t actually do a project; you can only do action steps related to it.
– David Allen, Getting Things Done

If you haven’t read Getting Things Done (GTD), do so. Take or leave the exact process, but the ideas outlined are incredibly useful if you’re trying to accomplish anything complex (you are, right?).

One of the major points made in GTD is this: there are two basic kinds of work that complex projects require – “thinking” and “doing”. If you google those terms, you’ll find a bunch of articles exploring the idea that these are separate modes of thinking that require different attitudes. Read a couple of those articles and reflect on some of your projects.

How many times have you done the dishes or cleaned your house instead of researching or writing or planning something? Your mind is fleeing from “thinking” work, so “doing” work seems more appealing. If you’re writing or programming or building something, of course, all your work is “thinking” – you can’t turn your brain off for any of it, but some of it flows naturally and is stress-free or even relaxing, and some of it is intimidating and stressful and makes you want to procrastinate.

Thinking work is, basically, sitting down and looking at a problem and deciding what needs to happen next.  This is the work that gives you that feeling of dread and makes you feel like you’d rather be doing anything else. This is the work that makes tasks seem endless and impossible, and slowly but surely kills your excitement for your projects.

Doing work is the opposite – that’s when you’ve got a checklist in front of you and even if some of the tasks suck, you’re cheerfully banging through them, getting your dopamine reward with each line crossed off and getting pumped as you watch the list shrink. This is the stuff that feels natural, effortless, because it doesn’t require you to really think – you just keep doing the obvious thing that comes next, confident that it’s the right thing. I’m doing “doing” work writing this blog post – the thinking work came earlier when I was trying to figure out what to write about, but now that I’m involved in the article the words and edits and links fall out naturally and I can feel the progress I’m making.

Both kinds of work need to get done, and both need to get done constantly.

Today I want to point out one important aspect of “doing” work – you can do it with very little energy and often make progress with very little time. A phone call to the bank can be done anywhere (if you have the information you need), only takes a few minutes, doesn’t require much motivation and will give you that little burst of excitement you get from checking off a task. The only downside is that you can’t do it until you know that it needs to be done and how it needs to be done. The dollar amount, account numbers, bank’s phone number and open hours – these are all facts you have to have before you can make that five minute phone call and get your problem solved.

That’s the major hidden drawback of doing work – you can’t do it, you don’t even know what it is, until you’ve done the heavy thinking that guides you forward on your project. That’s why all of our projects don’t get done in a flurry of stress-free zen productivity, like the dishes or laundry might. You have to do the hard work of thinking before you can do the easy work of doing.

That said, for many projects there’s a lot of easy doing work to get done, and even though it’s simple and rewarding, it takes a lot of time and can still be hard to keep up with. Just separating the thinking and doing work and knowing that the doing work requires less energy isn’t nearly enough. You have to structure your work so that you actually get the thinking work done, clearing the path for the doing work when time’s available for it (which it will be, often – in the car, in the waiting room, between meetings).

Keep your head clear of thinking work so that when you find yourself with a free hour, you can jump right in to a simple task and make that time productive.

If you don’t know what your next action is on a project – or worse, if you don’t know what your next actions are on any projects – when you get a free hour, you’ll waste it. You won’t have time or energy to sit down and think through the project’s exact goals, and whether you realize that’s the problem or not, you’ll end up killing time on imgur or reading something low-value or taking a nap.

It’s obvious but it’s critical – if you don’t know what you’re doing next, you can’t do it.

So do your thinking work. Do as much of it as you can, as soon as you can, and you’ll experience the freedom and productivity of always being able to attack the next thing on your list. When you start to slow down, procrastinate, or flip flop – realize that means there’s thinking work you haven’t done, and stop trying to progress until you’ve clarified where exactly you’re going.

And if you haven’t read GTD, do it. Seriously.

(Updated the Progress page. Careful readers will notice I slipped on Blogging, Writing, Geographical Freedom – ouch, but mostly a product of too much ambition, and will be caught up this week.)

Pushing It

The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.
– Ayn Rand

What do you think is possible?

What do you think is impossible?

When’s the last time you pointed yourself in the direction you wanted to go and just started moving – not stopping until something stopped you?

Once upon a time I had an internship with a pretty large, well-known company. We did a video contest – a five minute video using this shitty camera and shitty editing software, and the four members of the winning team each got an iPad.

For some reason I decided my team was going to win. Not try hard, not have fun – win.

We brainstormed ideas – some good ones, some bad, as always.  At some point someone lamented how bad the editing software was, and how much more we could do with better software. We emailed the director of the program, explaining why the other software would be better (even offering to help show others how to use it, if necessary). He said yes – we could use the better software, massively increasing the quality of our video.

The entire summer internship did a work project for a nearby school – we painted things, including some games in the playground (foursquare, hopscotch, etc.) We emailed the principal of the school and some parents that people had contact info for, explaining what we had done and arranging a time we could interview the principal about our work and get some video of kids playing on the newly painted games. She said yes – we got great proof of the results of our volunteering.

We heard that many former interns were still working with the company – we asked HR for a list of them, and emailed all of them. Many of them found time for us and we cut together a quick montage proving what kind of career an internship with this company could lead to.

Finally, we thought that getting some of the impressive names from the company involved would make our video more exciting.

We emailed the owner and president of the company (same guy) and his assistant, explaining the video and asking for a few minutes of his time to appear in the video (and, if not, to have our questions answered anyway). He said yes – we got him to act out a funny scene in a way that really set our video off.

Needless to say, we destroyed the competition. After the screenings it was clear who was going to win and we did win, by a wide margin. Better software, real community impact, real career-making internships, and the The Big Boss’s hilarious appearance combined to give us an edge no one could approach.

Very few of the other teams did anything like this. They used the resources that were given them and did the “best they could”, and without our video to compare to, they did fine. But we pushed it – we went beyond what was in front of us. Instead of thinking “What do we have?” we thought “What would we want if we could have anything?“, and then we pushed as hard as we could for all of those things. We got most of them, and ended up going much farther than anyone expected.

Don’t stop yourself. Go until something stops you. You’ll be shocked how far you can get.

(Almost forgot – finished Remote, and about to head off to a meeting with my friend who’s an independent contractor to both see about an upcoming gig and talk about contracting in general. Gonna send Remote to my boss this week.)

Blog Review – The Red Pill Journal

Basically, I’m trying to become a shining fucking testament to manhood.
– Theshido, The Red Pill Journal

Having finally finished Worm, I can knock out some other things on my reading list. First up was Theshido’s blog The Red Pill Journal.

Like a lot of men, Theshido is writing about pursuing the triumphant life. He sets himself apart with skilled writing, youth, fitness, and a focus on kicking all asses, everywhere. Some of my favorite motivational posts:

If you need a kick in the dick to get you off the couch, your regular dose of red-pill motivation, or some fitness tips from someone who’s been through it, check him out.

Some Quiet Reflection Before Moving

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.
– Margaret J Wheatley

New Years is coming, and on its heels my 25th birthday. It’s hard not to think of milestones, and of progress.

At the beginning of this year, my marriage – the only relationship I’d been in since I was 16 – was in the process of dissolving alongside everything I knew about myself and about life. My self had disappeared – the collection of thoughts, habits, routines, desires, and interactions that define a person had shattered like a pictureframe.

I’ve spent this year rebuilding. I began to fill the deep crater that divorce left in me. This year I made friends, worked out, got laid, had adventures, and pushed myself more than I have in any year in my past. I also smoked, drank, slacked at work, made mistakes, and sat alone in the dark more than in the rest of my life combined. I built a new person and started a new life with a new set of blessings and curses.

I’d say I’m recovered according to Google’s second definition, but not the first – I have regained possession of myself, but I have not and will never return to where I was.

I have grand, ridiculous plans for the next year, but I am not going to wait til then to make progress. The next few posts here – one a day – will be a point by point assessment of the next life moves I want to make, what’s holding me back, and how I’ll do it anyway. As always I’ll try to approach this in a way that means something to you guys, too.

Review: Playboy Interview with George Carlin

I do pray, yes, though I suppose it’s really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
– George Carlin

Wow. Just finished this old interview between Playboy and George Carlin in 1982, and it’s full of wisdom. Even if you don’t like George Carlin – I happen to – give it a read. Are people still doing interviews like this (I know Playboy isn’t). If so, I need to find them. If not…

I won’t comment on the content, because you need to read the original thing. But here are some excerpts to entice you.

Playboy: Do you still feel hatred toward the establishment?

Carlin: The visceral aspect of it is gone now. But I still hold all the values I held when I was screaming more. They just don’t take a physical and psychological toll on me anymore. I’m not possessed by an us-versus-them mentality. Well, I still have my days when I’m answering the television with a little more hatred than necessary, when the “Fuck you, Dan Rather” comes out with a harder edge than it should. But that’s much less frequent than it used to be. I think I’m getting well on that level.

=================================================== 

Carlin: That was the fun of it. We really felt strongly about ourselves and were willing to take outrageous risks.

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Carlin: I never really got to finish the angry, screaming, rebellious part of my youth.

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Carlin: When I was a kid, nobody would tell me which words not to say. I had to go home and say them and get hit. As a result of the WBAI case, the Supreme Court has put the FCC in the same position as the parent. It can punish you after the fact, but it can’t tell you beforehand exactly what the restricted areas are.

Playboy: So American broadcasters continue to work in constant jeopardy—leading, of course, to self-censorship.

===================================================

Carlin: I have no patience for anyone who sits and mouths clichés. Everybody’s got a fucking easy answer for all our problems. But there are no easy answers, because you can’t change just one thing, you have to change everything. We’ve come that far in our destruction of this poor green planet. And I just feel removed from that.

Playboy: Which leaves you open to the criticism that you’re copping out.

Carlin: I love that phrase: copping out. It actually means to admit guilt, not to get off the hook. And, yes, I do cop out. I cop out to not having glib and easy answers like all those wonderful professional crusaders

…

Carlin: I see them as giving heart to yet another generation of misguided idealists.

Playboy: And is that so bad?

Carlin: I think, strategically, it is bad. Because the function the crusaders and the investigative reporters really serve in this society is to show the true enemies of humanity—the people on top with the power—where their weak spots are. And then the establishment moves in quickly and silently with a little cement and covers up those holes. And the story goes away, and a few people are never heard from again, and the juggernaut rolls on—stronger than ever.

===================================================

Playboy: Do you vote?

Carlin: No. We’re led to believe we’re free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.

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Carlin: On the contrary; I try not to see new comics—their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don’t want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I’m afraid to see how good they might be. I don’t like that emotion, but it’s part of me.

===================================================

Carlin: People become performers for many reasons. Some do it to get a lot of pussy—and that’s a good reason. Some want a bigger car. Other guys want to travel. My reason has always been that I was screaming to let all this shit out of me.

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Carlin: No. When I see blacks and women wanting to gain their freedom so they can become corporation executives, I realize that the situation is hopeless.

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Carlin: I have mixed feelings about that. I plan to get a gun if crime gets any worse. I believe my first duty is to survive. And I’m not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I’ll get one. And I’ll use it.

===================================================

Carlin: …in other words, fuck Wednesday, fuck three fifteen, fuck four o’clock, fuck the United States, fuck the earth. It’s all temporal bullshit.

===================================================

Carlin: My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don’t feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don’t want to be a corporate moron and you don’t want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you’ll never have to go to them for money. And I’ve been able to do that without selling anything that injures the earth. I sell thoughts, laughs and ideas.

Conscious Spending

Some people leave half the chicken and move on to the next wing. These people are worthless, and I quickly distance myself from them.
– Ramit Sethi

This chapter’s about being frugal – spending less where you can so you can spend more where you want.

First piece of advice, which didn’t really apply to me, was to pay for things “a la carte”, as he says, which means forgoing subscriptions in favor of paying as you go (per episode on Netflix, per gym trip, etc). This prevents you from automatically paying for things you aren’t using and forces you to acknowledge the money you’re spending each time you actually use it.

I love the idea, but I already don’t have any optional subscriptions – no cable, gym membership, or Netflix.

There’s a good section about negotiating a raise – (un)fortunately I just got one, so that’s kind of out for me too. This is starting to sound like a list of excuses, so…

Here and elsewhere, Ramit focuses on “big wins” – the areas of your spending where you can save the most money with the least effort. Mine’s pretty obvious, and it’s drinking. Just one less drink each time I go out could pretty easily save me $80-$100 a month without making much of a difference in the fun I have.

A couple things in this chapter I might try later – Ramit’s 30 day challenge, and some techniques for increasing your income.

Investment Accounts, or – Debt, Again

Revisit page 40.
– Ramit Sethi, on debt

Not much to say about this. Chapter 3 is about investments, and there are several levels based on where you’re at financially; I have 6% employer matching for my 401k which I’m already maxing out, and as discussed I have plenty of debt to pay off before making further investments.

Boring, but correct. Hopefully I’ll have more to write about the next chapter, on conscious spending.