Month: December 2013

Freedom via Disaster

It can be liberating to get fired because you realize the world doesn’t end. There’s other ways to make money, better jobs.
– Ron Livingston (yeah, from Office Space)

I used to be confused by suicide – what could be so stressful that you’d have to die rather than face it? I mean, if you’re going to die anyway – couldn’t you throw off any responsibility, fight any battle, abandon any situation, ignore any problem? You might as well – what’s the worst that could happen, death? Check.

Having been divorced and now trying to change careers, suddenly, I understand.

We don’t really consider situations based on their consequences. Instead, we visualize the situation and this visualization makes us feel a certain way; this is how we decide whether the situation is good or bad. This is why worry sucks – contemplating negative stuff actually involves feeling those negative emotions at a lower level. This is also why it’s fun to think about things we’re excited about – again, just running through the situation in our heads creates some of the same feelings the reality would create.

This is a problem, and a big one, for lifestyle decisions.

When I think about quitting my job, I don’t naturally compare my options and my life in each job and envision myself waking up every day with each possibility. Instead, I imagine the act of quitting my job – a very stressful, very unpleasant experience, with my family, friends and coworkers not understanding and my boss angry. This creates a lot of negative emotion that I then associate with “switching jobs”.

And this is why, sometimes, disaster can be so freeing – the terrible moment comes and goes, and we’re left to think on our new reality instead. Sometimes that new reality isn’t so bad – even if the only thing that’s better is that we’re not dwelling on potential disaster.

Don’t kill yourself – you won’t have any reality at all after that. But maybe, if we can remember that we’re only seeing the transition and the other side will never feel as bad as the transition makes us feel, we’ll cross some difficult bridges a little easier. Maybe big changes always feel like terrible challenges – maybe we should be excited about little disasters.

Work You Don’t Care About

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.
– William J Brennan, Jr.

Right now I’m swamped by things I don’t really want to do. Thanks to the holiday break and some projects coming due at once, I’m backed up at work – at just the time I’d most like to take it easy.

The problem – well, part of the problem – is that I really don’t care about the work itself. I worry about my job performance and such, like anybody would, but I don’t feel interested in the problems I’m solving daily, and I don’t feel invested in the outcome. That makes it hard to burn the midnight oil and operate at the high level of productivity I can achieve on tasks I really care about.

I want to find a way to get into that blissful flow-state, where time just flies by, on tasks that I don’t enjoy doing and don’t care about the outcome done. This is hard to do – my brain wants to jump away from the work. Part of me resents spending thoughts on these things while other, much more interesting topics, await.

But I know that if I can focus, if I can get really mentally involved in even my shitty tasks, they’ll be over sooner and I’ll enjoy them more anyway.

Sorry – I don’t have an answer for this one. I know what the target is but I’m not sure how to get there. How do I treat a bug fix or new feature at work like it was writing, or sex, or competition, and pour all my energy into it?

I’m thinking: long term meditation practice, forcibly removing distractions, or concentration-enhancing drugs. Any other suggestions?

Getting Through

The best way out is always through.
– Robert Frost, A Servant to Servants

Challenge and opportunity surround us, and we fall short so often not because we don’t succeed, but because we don’t try.

This seems to be the refrain of the ambitious, unsatisfied, anxious, angry and terrified intellectual white-collar class of my generation. We have so many worthless things to lose and so many exciting things to gain – and we can see people getting those things. Success stories abound – men and women who do what they love for a living and seem to lead blessed lives.

These people aren’t smarter than us, we think, they aren’t much better looking and they might not have had more advantages in childhood. Why do they get to be so damned happy?

I’ll tell you why – you already know, but sometimes we need reminders.

Whatever the army of troubles that besets you – petty or life-changing – the reason you’re still stressed about those things is because you aren’t fixing them.

This includes problems that can’t be “solved” and problems that are emotional at their core – things like anxiety. If you spend your time fleeing and fussing and fucking around, trying to feel better so that you can then do the things you want to be doing, you’re in for disappointment.

It’s not that you can actually fix all your life’s troubles and then live in perfect happiness forever. It’s actually as simple as this – working on your problems, the act of working itself, is the only way I know to actually make you feel better about those problems. Not only will they seem smaller once you’ve started (and many of them will disappear immediately), the mere fact of acting will make you feel better overall, making further action (or real relaxation) easier.

So try it. I know your problem is stressful, impossible, I know you just want to be happier and the only thought that offers relief is the thought of not dealing with the thing in question. But that’s your brain being a dishonest bitch. Put your shoes on and start; the best way out is always through.

One Week Job

I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted it to be something I was happy doing.
– Sean Aiken

Found this via this episode of the excellent Pick Up Podcast (now Art of Charm). More career-oriented, but a similar theme to what I’m trying to do here – trying new things incessantly, fearlessly, in an effort to understand what really excites you. Check out the website and the book.

The Targets

Some goals you just never really think about trying to achieve because they just seem so out of reach.
– Chris Daughtry

Okay then. This is what my life’s going to look like by the end of next year:

  • Writing – prepared to make 50k a year through writing or a closely related field.
  • Geographical Freedom – at least 60% of the time, no specific location I have to be.
  • Fitness – 225 bench, 10% or less bodyfat, two hour half marathon.
  • No House
  • Blog Traffic – 100 hits a day.
  • Motorcycle – Cheap bike, license.
  • Fighting – one structured competition, one real fight.

I repeat – this is how my life is going to look in a little more than 365 days. Watch the scoreboard.

The Target – Fighting

How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?
– Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Something you should maybe know about me – I was homeschooled. I swam a little in summer leagues, but I didn’t really play high school sports, partly because of that and partly because I was a big nerd.

I didn’t wrestle in high school, or take a martial art, and I’ve never been in an actual fight with a stranger, either. 90% of my experience with physical conflict has been friendly games and wrestling, and the rest was mosh pits and “accidental” shoving that didn’t escalate.

This goal’s twofold.

By this time next year, I will be actively participating in a “fight” sport – probably MMA, maybe BJJ or another specific art that does real sparring and real fights. I want to have competed in one competition. I don’t care if I suck – I want to have done it.

I also will have been in one “real” fight, with fists, not just wrestling or a shoving match. I’m not looking to permanently damage myself or someone else or get arrested, so this might have to be arranged with a friend, but I want to get as close to the “real thing” as possible.

This one scares me, a bit. That’s why it’s here.

The Target – Motorcycle

A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
– Unknown

I’ve ridden dirt bikes and ridden on motorcycles, but I’ve never driven one. This summer I want to learn – get my license, get a bike, and ride.

I love the sense of freedom a fourwheeler or even a bicycle at high speeds gives, and I want to feel the same thing on my daily commute.

I also want to move around more – visit people and explore. Since my job will allow me to work from anywhere most of the time (and I won’t have a ton of money to fly), I expect a lot of long road trips. Those will be fifty times as enjoyable on a bike.

The safety and convenience concerns don’t bother me – in fact, they’re a big part of the reason I want to ride in the first place. As I’ve written before, I’m done taking the safe, rational path when a more memorable one exists. I’ll do the smart thing, but I’ll be damned if I’m doing the boring thing.

The Target – Blog Traffic

Blogging is good for your career. A well-executed blog sets you apart as an expert in your field.
– Penelope Trunk

My field, here, is self-development and excellence, and God knows I want to be an expert in these things.

The need to post (and do and think things worth posting about) is a big motivator for me, and has made it much easier to keep forward momentum. The fact that people actually read this and occasionally comment is an even bigger boost. Like in everything, being part of a community makes progress so much easier, and this blog serves that purpose for me.

With any luck, it’ll provide those same benefits to a few of you.

I don’t think I want to become a “professional blogger”, making a career out of writing about this kind of thing – but I do want to become a bigger part of the web communities that have got me this far.

So, by this time next year, I want this blog to be getting 100 average daily hits. Modest, but motivating.

The Target – No House

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
– Jane Austen

No kidding, Jane, and in my case comfort is the enemy. By the end of next year, I will get rid of my house. I of course can’t guarantee it will sell by then, but that’s the goal.

I won’t be able to afford the fully nomadic lifestyle right away, so this will probably mean short term leases, but that’s definitely a step in the right direction. With any luck this will also save me money.

I considered renting it out, but I talked to some people who do, and they all pretty much said the same thing: it can be lucrative, but it’s time consuming and will require my physical presence a lot of the time for maintenance and other things.

Blog Review – The Red Pill Journal

Basically, I’m trying to become a shining fucking testament to manhood.
– Theshido, The Red Pill Journal

Having finally finished Worm, I can knock out some other things on my reading list. First up was Theshido’s blog The Red Pill Journal.

Like a lot of men, Theshido is writing about pursuing the triumphant life. He sets himself apart with skilled writing, youth, fitness, and a focus on kicking all asses, everywhere. Some of my favorite motivational posts:

If you need a kick in the dick to get you off the couch, your regular dose of red-pill motivation, or some fitness tips from someone who’s been through it, check him out.